But on paper it was a little bit terrible! Gah! Tiny violins please:

What’s been a wetsuit swim at Tinley’s for every recent year was suddenly not, and what was my longest swim in a race ever was not really race pace. I followed volunteers’ instructions and wound up missing 4 miles of the bike, finding out about my disqualification only after running my little heart out to what I thought (admittedly with a little confusion) was 2nd place and a prize check. My flight home was delayed and delayed and finally canceled due to fog (?!) in Santa Barbara yesterday, so I bussed it 2.5 hours down the road to LAX, got on a red-eye to Milwaukee, then finally got to Denver 55 minutes before my first class this morning. Not to class, just to the airport, but it was the best I could do. Oh and on my last flight I almost lost it at an overbearing 400-lb woman who tried to lecture me about using my electronic device while the plane was still sitting at the gate, but I didn’t. In my head, I told her that the flight, and Social Security, and healthcare, and the whole world, and she would be much better off if she lost 250 lbs than if I turned off my phone 4 minutes before they said I had to.

Sigh. Restraint is so boring.

1. I think I finally came up with the perfect order from Splish. Today’s delivery was just awesome, partly (obviously) because of the beautiful suits (what is it about bright shiny lycra? Is it a b-s-l affinity gene that sucks triathletes into this sport??) but also because I got to procrastinate going to the pool even longer . Couldn’t decide which one to wear, finally went with the Skulls and Bolts. Tomorrow might be a wonder woman day (although I can’t help but think of Homestar Runner when I look at that suit!). I am so grateful to Splish for making the pool so much fun for me, I can’t imagine what it’s like to get psyched up for hard workout after hard workout when you don’t even like your outfit.

2. I got a coffee maker! I wanted something I could travel with easily, that wasn’t too expensive, and that didn’t make gross coffee. Last month Ben‘s mom sent me a scattered panicked email about this thing called an aero press (huh? like a helmet?) that I should hurry up and buy for Ben before I canceled my Amazon Prime. I, like any smart girlfriend, called Ben to say I had no idea what his mom said but anyone can sign up for Amazon Prime. Then I went on the internet and bought my own Aeropress . It makes smoother and more delicious coffee than I have ever had, and it’s only $22.51 on Amazon!

3. “But you don’t WEAR dresses,” said Ben. Well now that I HAVE a cute dress, maybe I will start wearing dresses… I went and bought a bunch of stuff from K-Swiss. A bunch. I ordered on-line so of course I “over-bought so that I could return what I didn’t like”, which totally didn’t happen, I kept everything. Including the flip-flops to the left. Obviously I have known about K-Swiss clothing for a while, because that’s alllll that Ben wears, but the trigger for this splurge was hanging out with Hillary Biscay at the Superfrog Half IM a few weeks ago. Her clothes were so cute! (I was also in some K-Swiss gear, but Ben’s hand-me-down running pants that are kinda big on me didn’t quite have the same “omg I *love*…” effect.)

OK kids happy shopping! And befriend Benjamin if you want a K-Swiss discount! He’s kinda nice, especially when he’s in a good mood.

Generally the only time I use the word “ironic” is to point out someone else’s misuse of the word…

No it is not ironic that you got two flat tires at the same time, it’s just unfortunate.

No it’s not ironic that your pet/child shares a name with a celebrity but you didn’t plan it that way, it’s just a coincidence.

No it’s not ironic that you got your master’s degree and now work in a field you wanted to be in before you got your master’s degree, that’s just the way grad school works.

Today I’d like to offer up my own (good) example of irony. We all know my dear boyfriend, right? The stumpy dorky teenaged one. He doesn’t particularly like it when I talk about weddings, engagements, marriage… which is logical, considering we don’t want kids, we’re both in a state of bum-hood for a little while, the people we know who are married were way cooler before they got married, and he’s a 26 year old male. But I’m a 31 year old female, so I still mention it, he still laughs at me, and all is fine.

Separately, my website hosting is up for renewal this month. Ben suggested that we be on the same server, to save money, since both of us are on separate Dreamhost plans that can easily accommodate all of our websites at once. My hosting is the one that’s expiring, my server only has my site on it (his has a few), I’m the one who is clueless about sql php FTP database hoo-ha and it’s pure luck that I got my website to work the first time around, so obviously I am the one who should move.

Forty-three hours later, plus that same number of headaches and live chats with Dreamhost that are reminiscent of my mom… I finally have a functioning website again. On his server. I am not leaving. This move is PERMANENT, Ben “Marriage is for Losers” Collins!

We had a lot of fun characters in the clinic (with Chet the Jet at the helm, I’d expect nothing less!). We also had plenty of inspirational people – I’m quite the sucker for life-changing stories, and one of my favourites is that of my “boss”, head bike-clinic coach Charles. He went from being very overweight and unhealthy to a svelte athlete the old-fashioned way. He got on a bike and started riding it, got motivated to change his lifestyle, now he’s one of the top cyclists on the island. No crazy stomach-stapling or bariatric surgery. Pretty amazing. I don’t have a photo of me and Charles, just me and our very own Southern Belle, Ashley (I need to take some lessons from Ashley on how to look good midway through a hard ride! At least I have a sweet lid.)

Being an athlete is a choice, and a privilege. We are so lucky to live this lifestyle. Charles’ story definitely embodies this fact, but another thing that hammered it in for me was the post-race interview with Lindsey Vonn the other day after her impressive gold-medal run in the women’s downhill event at the Olympics. I’m sure I’m taking it out of context and being negative, unfair, hypercritical, etc., but hearing her say “I’ve given up everything for this” was a bit of a turn-off. I know she is incredibly dedicated, but I just don’t see how she can give up “everything”. And, would she be happy with the alternative?

(The only nice thing I have to say about this mall is it’s across the street from the Taigraphx office. Other than that… There are sooo many people zombieing around, and so many places just selling utter shit. I can sort of understand when there are soooo many people walking around a giant mall in, say, southern Minneapolis at the current largest mall in america. No offense to Minnesotans at all, it’s just that spending January outdoors vs. indoors there is no contest. But in Hawaii? There are a jillion things to do outside here. Or you can just lay on the beach and do nothing. Why the mall?) (Oh right, all these people have jobs and money to spend. But still!)

So there were six of us. We all walked in for this group interview, and our interviewer went on about how she has worked for the company for 19 years, it’s just wonderful, they are great to employees and the benefits are excellent.

But, by the way, these positions for which we are interviewing are part time and ineligible for benefits according to company policy. The most you can technically work per week is 19 hours, because in the state of Hawaii if you work four consecutive weeks at 20 or more hours you have to be eligible for health insurance. At BR if you pick up extra shifts and work three 20+ hour weeks in a row, on that fourth week you can’t work more than 19 in order to sidestep state-mandated healthcare provision by the company. Funny to hear this not 30 seconds after hearing about the excellent benefits.

The interview itself was fine. Your standard questions of how have you helped a customer (I teach people how to ride bikes), how do you learn new things (I know how to read), do you take kindly to constructive criticism (unless it’s totally dumb, yes), how have you helped your team or boss succeed (I know how to use craigslist), why do you want to work here (I am good at stuff – or, saying “I don’t” without actually saying “I don’t”). My fellow interviewees were also fine… There was the guy dressed all in black who used to work for Ross and a fish market and who had a cool story about the Department of Justice, the guy dressed all in khaki who worked for Sharper Image (we heard about Sharper Image a lot), the other guy dressed all in black who used to be a flight attendant and who actually seemed not dumb and not boring, the unspectacular cute girl with poor grammar (source of “like those gentlemens”) who was dressed all in blue, and the lone other person besides me who was dressed in more than one color and who also seemed cool and smart.

I’d guess at least half of us get offered a job. But, I cannot afford to get the job at Banana Republic, thanks to the dress policy we also heard about. You aren’t allowed to wear denim or casual shoes or tank tops. Dress code is “elevated”. No word on fancy spandex, the only remaining part of my wardrobe here that isn’t specifically nixed by the dress code, but I can only assume, and then further assume that I would have to go shopping before going working. So instead of an interview I am just filing this experience under “anthropological research”.

The massage was pretty good aside from Liam’s very depressing conclusion: “you’re not going to get anywhere without weekly body work.” Well, f— you too was my first thought, followed quickly by sigh, I’m doomed. Maybe I’ll call my mom.

Separate story, 7 years ago I moved to San Francisco and opened a bank account at Washington Mutual. I remember crying at the teller when she told me I couldn’t make any withdrawals for two weeks for security reasons. Well how am I supposed to pay rent and eat, sniffle sniff, and I just moved here, sniffle sniff… the conversation went something like that, and I guess it got sorted out because I did stay housed and fed. Then a few years later, through my investment-firm job I got an account with First Republic Bank, which gave me big-wig perks like reimbursement of ATM fees anywhere in the world, and no minimum balance. That ATM fees thing was HUGE! Talk about a perk. But, I got a letter in the mail recently saying that those perks were going away as of January 31, 2010, and I would have to keep a minimum balance that is basically half of my annual income these days if I don’t want to pay a fee for that account. No amount of emailing or phone calling got anyone to even respond, let alone talk about the change to my account, so: Time to find a new bank. In the meantime, my WaMu account got taken over by Chase, and my mailing address was probably 3 addresses ago because I haven’t heard boo from them in years, but I had some old checks in my bottomless purse, so maybe that would be enough. I certainly never closed the account – way too much effort!

I walked in to my local Chase branch yesterday and they re-opened my WaMu account, and it’s still a free checking account with free checks and no minimum balance! The whole process took about 5 minutes and there were definitely no tears, way to go Court. And, way to go, Chase!

Final sort-of-related turn of events: Then when I got home from work, I found a letter from the IRS saying that I did my taxes all wrong and I will be getting a $760.39 refund. Which means, maybe I can sort of afford regular body work after all…”anywhere”, here I come!

In the meanwhile I’m being productive amongst all the rain and darkness here in Seattle. (Chris is trying to insist that September and October haven’t been that bad here this year, to which I am insisting he has gone senile. It’s been raining since Labor Day weekend, which was my birthday, so obviously I remember it.) I’ve been writing so much lately about how super awesome I am and how super-worthy I am of sponsorship/graduate education, that it’s really rubbing off on me! I feel like a walking Secret (the book) or Oprah disciple, or, hey, a graduate of a private all-girls school. Girl, you rule! Look at the way you are walking down the street next to that window! That is so awesome! You can do ANYthing!

Oh, to IMPORTANTLY follow up on blogs from earlier in the week: Splish is offering a 25% off promo through next Friday, November 13! Follow @splishinc on Twitter for details. So, now you can and should go buy all my favorite suits.

Second follow-up: WTC has officially announced the new Ironman Pro License, and the situation is better than I initially thought. The license fee is NOT in addition to regular entry fees. So, since I was tentatively planning to race 2+ WTC events next year, I won’t have to alter my budget, which is nice. I am not quite sure how I feel about the 5% standards for World Championship slots. On the one hand, I think it’s important to make a championship race draw the best in the sport, so qualification standards are indeed important. On the other, much bigger, hand:

1. Are there too many pro athletes going to Kona and Clearwater? Is WTC trying to make the pro field even smaller? If the athletes are still paying their way, which it seems they are because this new license does not cover the entry fee for championship events, then I am not sure of the incentive here.

2. If it’s to encourage better athlete development, I think there are more effective ways to do that than to slap a percentage standard on to the existing qualification procedures. For most athletes, financial hardship is a more significant hindrance on performance than talent, training, motivation, or pretty much any other factor. If WTC wants to encourage development in the pro ranks, they could re-organize and re-distribute the existing pro prize purses so that it’s not just the top 5 or 8 finishers who are taking home a pay check and covering their costs for the weekend, but instead the top 10-20, with more even distribution. The more “pro” athletes who can actually eek out a living in the sport and dedicate their life to it, the better the racing will be.

I think what they are ultimately trying to do is make the sport more media-friendly. There was also a big hullabaloo today about how ESPN and Fox Sports (who pays attention to Fox anyway) didn’t give Kona even a mention this year, until Lance said that he was going to race it in 2011. I guess it’s hard for WTC to sell sponsorship when the sports media don’t give two shits about stupid-ass Ironman (sorry sorry I have to reference my absolute favorite thing of the week). They have to make it more media-friendly. Lance will definitely bring a media frenzy, but what is going to happen in the meantime? I don’t think that reducing the pro field, and/or perpetuating its financial infeasibility, is the way to attract media attention. But what do I know.

(I know a LOT! Because I am AWESOME!)

Speaking of mu-zak, I went and bought myself a ticket to see Ghostland Observatory at Showbox SoDo this Friday. The 21+ show is on Friday night, and the all ages show is Saturday. I asked the girl at the box office if one was better than the other. “What kind of question is that? Do you LIKE being at a show with a bunch of high schoolers?” Also, in order to “afford” this ticket (thanks, Ma), I’m not buying coffees at all this week. Day 1 just about killed me, not so much the caffeine withdrawal as the diversion-withdrawal.

Then today was my first day of swim training. I wasn’t going to take a break from swimming, I have so much work to do in the pool and the idea of losing 5 precious weeks of swimming really scared me. Then I remembered that whenever I took a break from horseback riding, I’d come back to it a little out of shape but with much more awareness and virtually no bad habits. It’s that whole “muscle memory” thing… Obviously then, my swimming could use some muscle-forgetting followed by a swim lesson with one of the top swim coaches in the state (no, not Ben, it was his former coach Kyle). The lesson was awesome, and I’m really excited about my swim program for this winter.

Improving my swim is particularly crucial in light of the latest “they’re ruining the sport” rumor regarding Ironman Corporation, aka WTC. Supposedly in 2010 they are going to start charging all elites $750/year, on top of standard race entry fees, if they want to compete in any WTC events. Because Ironman is not an Olympic event, the race series has to pay WADA a fee if they want WADA to handle drug testing, and this fee is going to be passed on to the athletes in the form of a $750 pro license on top of our $100 USAT pro license. I’m not opposed to drug testing one bit, and I am relieved that they plan to hire WADA rather than “do their own testing” which could basically mean the money disappears into the WTC coffers and nothing comes of it. But in a sport where many of the “pro’s” are living below the poverty line, struggling to make the dream happen, and in a race series where most races only pay 5 deep, and pro’s still pay the same entry fee and rarely have host housing provided, I fear that this $750 “license” will precipitate the death of professional triathlon. Then what? What do we aspire to when there is no elite level of the sport? Considering that WTC has been buying up all non-branded long course races this year, and considering that this is who bought up WTC, I’m not convinced that the People In Charge care about anyone’s bottom line but their own. Nor anyone’s dreams, for that matter.

I am prone to strong feelings and this situation is no exception, my little rant above is just the tip of the iceberg. But I might be better served by focusing that energy on swimming, and getting ready to do some fast Olympic Distance racing in 2010. Oh, and Wildflower!

Yesterday I went out to do a local 10 mile time trial, to test out my legs and all my new cycling equipment. TT’s can kind of suck, they hurt, and this one sucked especially bad. I was gasping like an ancient car and my legs were, I dunno, pick your own simile, just make sure it means “slow”.

OK, so it was my first effort of the year, and day two on the new bike. Fine. So it shouldn’t have been pretty. But somehow I had hoped that this would be my chance to show up at something and do well. I show up at swimming day in and day out and I am still swimming in worst place in my lane. But a bike race is different. I used to be a bike racer! And I have this fancy bike! Surely I can show up to a bike race and magically be not-worst place!

Surely.

One can rate one’s performance both subjectively (i.e. results-based, how you did next to everyone else) and objectively (i.e. how did you do against the “you” of last week/month/year). Subjectively, I got spanked. I finished second-to-worst place in the cat 1-2s, so *technically* I achieved my “goal” of not-worst but that wasn’t really what I was going for. And, the girl who beat everyone (including me by an embarrassing 1:35) is also a triathlete, she races age group and is a cat 4 bike racer. When I told Ben, who knows her, he was like “ouch. She is pretty talented.” Yeah, ouch is right. That comment might have hurt more than the TT did. Then my coach was like “well, is SHE training for a half ironman in 4 weeks? Probably not!” Actually, she is. The same one I’m doing. So: Please grant me this failure on the subjective front.

How about objective? Was my average power the same or better than what my lactic threshold power was last year and the year before? No. It was worse. So: Objective failure. There are reasons for this, a.k.a. excuses. I haven’t been training my LT. My bike is new and I don’t feel used to it. I’m tired, stressed, life happened, etc., all are valid but I prefer days where I don’t need to make excuses.

OH MY GOD I DIDN’T WIN. I NEED A NEW SPORT. Right?

Wrong. I need an attitude adjustment! The funny thing is, I seem to need one almost every year . Last year I went out to my first big triathlon, Wildflower, and was so focused on an arbitrary result I wanted that I raced poorly and I forgot to enjoy the experience. I got frustrated when things didn’t go the way I wanted, and then when I didn’t get the result I’d aimed for I couldn’t even fall back on fun memories of the day. After that I did a lot of thinking about why I was racing, and the bottom line was that I like it. It’s fun. Even when it hurts really bad, it’s fun. So I started thinking about that in my training and on race day. I started focusing on the enjoyment I got out of each workout and each phase of the race, and successes came. Same when I started bike racing, and same even when I was a kid and had just started horse showing. I would daydream about winning the blue ribbons and get to the show just expecting everything to happen. But I’d go in the ring and freeze up with nerves, my horse and I would perform poorly, and I’d cry. I wanted to be one of those “talented” riders who just saw the spots and felt the horse instinctually, but I wasn’t. I had to actually ride if I wanted to win. When I figured out that I had to put in the legwork AND bring my focus, determination, and love for the sport into the show ring, that’s when I started having fun and, not coincidentally, when I saw success.

Time to learn my lesson again. Just because my racing license says I am a certain thing or category, just because I am on some big cool team/bike/whatever, it doesn’t mean that I am better than everyone else, or that I will finish better than everyone else. Those are two different things, the most gifted athlete out there won’t win without the right attitude. Ben’s right (although it’s not exactly what he said), I am not the most talented racer out there. I’ve gotten where I am because of hard work, a usually-but-not-always good attitude, determination on race day, and no shortage of luck. I plan to see continued success this year. I’ll focus on the objective things: training well, evaluating the “me” of right now against the older “me”s rather than against some other person, and remembering that I do this because it’s fun. With some luck this will bring subjective success too, but if the only person I beat is last year’s Courtenay then that still means I’m doing something right.