Yes, loquacity has returned, with a bit of a vengeance. Enjoy it while it lasts – school starts up again on January 10th!

I should be studying for my statistics final tomorrow but starting today I am officially not holding it together any more. I was doing pretty well all Fall, I was so proud of my awesome balancing act, but now I’ve got less to be gymnastically proud of. And my back is killing me.

I have got to stop crying in public places. I have got to stop crying. And, side note, I’ve got to stop looking at shopping as a cure-all, even though it kind of is. And it’s way preferable to an eating panacea.

The big item on my list of stopping-doing, though, is heartache. Romancing up the wrong tree. “That’s life”, I know, but platitudes don’t make it hurt any less. I never figure it out until it’s too late, until I’m mired too deeply in self-doubt to function, every lyric of every song resonating in some way that is nottt helpful so of course I keep listening over and over, due to that pesky subfunctionality. Uh oh. You have no reason, and I just can’t seem to see how the hell you can make believe. I thought we had something precious? Now the fun’s not fun and I clean forgot how to play. So disappointed. I saw taillights last night: dreaming in color, dreaming in red, in a dream about my old life. I hate myself. The way the rain comes down hard, that’s how I feel inside.

Is yesterday here yet? Did I miss it?

As I typed this one of my classmates IM’ed me and the tears started to dry – invariably, blessedly, something pulls me out of sadness, although in this case, not fast enough for me to not post something I should probably not post because ooo, it’s the internet, everyone is supposed to be happy and self-contained on it.

… be like the squirrel, girl.

Share Button



Comments


This entry was posted on Monday, December 13th, 2010 at 8:05 pm and is filed under Grad School, trials and tribs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 Comment so far


  1. Kim Schwabnenbauer on December 14, 2010 8:37 am

    Oh C.. I am not sure what this post is about.. but it’s real, and it’s heartfelt and whatever it is you are going through, well it surely will pass eventually too. For now, I’m thankful you have a break to get through it and take some time for you – you deserve it. Not every post has to be fun, or cute, or something exciting to read.. I tell people if they want that – well, read on elsewhere honey because I only speak the truth. I write from the heart – and any time you do, I think people appreciate it!

Name (required)

Email (required)

Website

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Share your wisdom

Powered by WP Hashcash

cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  | cheap football shirts  |