So after all my “oh there is no point in racing when I haven’t been able to train properly” talk, I wound up doing the Seafair Triathlon this morning. It was a bit of an 11th hour decision, and I am still not sure whether the decision was against my better judgment, or with it.
Basically I am worried that if I keep showing up to races feeling unprepared and under-confident due to injuries or issues with my training, or in this case, being on antibiotics and experiencing pain whenever I ride my bike, then eventually I will lose my drive to race. “I’ll give it a try and see how I feel” isn’t a race strategy. Bumbling along in a worse place than I think I should be in, telling myself I suck because I am not doing well… that’s not racing. I don’t know what it is, being stupid probably, but anyway it’s not racing.
On the other hand, I had already paid my entry. And the race was so close! And who knows, maybe I could get there and feel awesome. And it might be fun! And I do think there are benefits to eeking out a hard workout even when you are feeling sub-par. So I decided to just use it as practice, no pressure, etc., which is a giant lie. There is no such thing as no pressure, even in workouts. But I did my best to keep my expectations low.
In some ways, my race was a predictable disaster. My transitions were pretty lame, I guess it’s hard to take them seriously when I can’t even take the whole race seriously. Plus I was pretty demoralized getting into T1, this was a local race so I was *expecting* (see, expectations…) not to be last onto my bike but I was still pretty far back in the elite wave. Then my bike leg was kind of lame, and it felt incredibly obvious that I have barely ridden lately. My run was actually not lame, although I finished 2 seconds and 5 seconds behind two other women, who I am pretty much 100% confident I would have passed if I hadn’t spent so much time in T1 and again in T2 telling my helmet that I hated it and I wanted it to die. Hooray for scapegoats! I am not sure of my result, maybe 8th or something, I don’t know.
In other ways, though, it was a success. Ben was spectating and said my swim looked a lot better, my hard work might be starting to pay off! And even though it started out awful, I kind of found my legs by the end of the bike. I ran the 5k in 19:07, which was initially disappointing because two other girls ran faster. But now that I think about the course plus all the non-helpful factors leading into my race, not to mention my own stupid mindset up until mile 1, I am pretty happy with that time. And glad that I eeked out a tough workout despite feeling sub-par.
Now I am at home. The other thing that happened this morning is Ben’s family dog died. She was really old (they got her when Ben was 10) and hadn’t been doing well this past week, poor girl, so it was an inevitability rather than a surprise. But it’s still sad. What will be additionally sad is if he goes out and gets a stupid golden doodle (no offense Bri) like he’s been threatening to do. I am advocating a baby miniature dachshund puppy. Which probably means we’ll just adopt a fish or something, and I’ll name it Stalemate.
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This entry was posted on Sunday, July 19th, 2009 at 1:15 pm and is filed under trials and tribs, triathlon: views from the front lines. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I saw you out there at one point, I think when you were going to the run start, and thought “is that courtenay? no, she said she wasn’t going to race. but i swear it’s her!” Then saw you going into the transition area again after you’d finished and realized it was you. Sorry to hear it didn’t go as well as you had hoped. And maybe next time I’ll realize it’s you *while* you’re racing and be able to cheer for you!
My dog is awesome. She also has a mohawk which makes her even more awesome. People will think Ben is gay if he has a mini-hot dog, but not so much if he has a 1/2 golden retriever 1/2 poodle which is how I explain her to people because (and I’m totally aware of this) goldendoodle is super embarrassing.
i do tri for funs when im feeling down and need to remember that I can go fast.
Stalemate is an awesome name for the fish.
This IS an argument in favor of the mini hot-dog you know
no but I am sure tassie is a great dog. Ben loves her from afar of course. I’ve just never liked dogs with fuzzy faces, I was the one kid who hated benji and thought sandy, in Annie, was dumb. No accounting for taste, right?
Bri’s dog is SOOOO CUTE!!! I don’t plan to buy a pure bred when mutts are so abundant and healthy and cute, but mark my words, I will get myself a doodle somehow. And I will love that dog more than your negative attitude and bad taste can even imagine.
We’re gonna have matching haircuts, and I’m going to train the dog to lick your face every morning at 4:30 so you make it to swim practice.
Adopt a dog from the humane society! They are the best!
I hear ya girl! Continuing to race while injured/undertrained/just not ready is a walking a thin line between motivating and demoralizing. I have been doing it this year too (until I finally decided to take another off-season). It still sounds like you are doing well, despite everything- not losing touch with too much fitness, and swimming and running well too! I am so sad to hear about Ben’s dog. I dread that day. I have two medium sized mutts- can’t imagine them not here.